TK Lawyer

Tonight I suffered a set back.  My dad made a comment that ended up being more hurtful than he likely intended.  You see, I’ve lost two wonderful souls in my life recently and one was my mom.  So when my dad said he would probably only live three more years because he couldn’t see living any longer, I broke down into tears after we ended our conversation.  Telling me he was going to pass away when my mom only passed away a little over 2 months ago and I lost my precious companion dog a month ago was pretty insensitive.

I’m sure he didn’t mean it to come out the way he said it but regardless the pain from his stinging comment remains.

It helped that I had three friends to bounce the situation off of.  So when you are in a situation like this where someone tells you something devastating, first thing, don’t blame yourself.  That’s what I was trying to do- trying to find out what else I could’ve done differently where he wouldn’t say such callous words to me.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done differently.  I try to do the best that I can and be as supportive as possible.  Unfortunately, there’s no way to expect the same from others, even from your relatives.  Each person makes their own choices as to how to behave and just because you give doesn’t mean you will receive.  Just give with a loving, open heart and don’t expect anything in return.  One day you will receive back the kindness you sent forth and it will come to you in the way you need at the right time.

Vent out to a close friend or two or three.  When my dad said he was grieving, I thought I am too!  Maybe he forgot because he can’t see past his own grief or maybe he doesn’t see it because I try to be strong and positive when I’m around him.  Either way words can hurt and you may not even see or know the effect of your own words, as my dad will never know the pain he caused me.

Try to see the situation from different angles.  Because I’m worried about my dad’s health, I’ve been trying to help him with finding a single story home to rent but from his words today, stating that he’s comfortable with where he’s at, I can see that what I think is best for him is not what he considers best.  This is a good reminder that sometimes our meddling for someone’s own good, according to my friend Michael, is not always for their own good.  Let the other person make their own decisions- advise but don’t push, no matter how bad a situation gets.

Of course his telling me he would have to consider moving when he can’t walk up the stairs anymore or he falls down the stairs didn’t help either.  The idea of him falling down the stairs is what I wanted to prevent but again, like my advice in the last paragraph states- I shouldn’t impose my ideas of what’s good on someone else because they may not be good for them.  So, lastly, forgive the person whose words cut you like a knife for it is not worth your pain or even your energy to hold in you anything negative that may affect you later on in undesirable ways (health, mood, etc).  Don’t dwell on it any longer, let it go and if there’s a lesson to it, take that with you so that next time you are prepared in case the situation repeats itself.

Take care, my friends and be well.